New Year's Resolutions For Bereaved Parents / Mommy To Amanda (Mommy)
New Year's Resolutions For Bereaved Parents
I resolve...
That I will grieve as much, and for as long, as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.
That I will grieve in whatever way
I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should
not be behaving.
That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that
I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."
That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their
own feelings.
That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot
possibly know how it feels.
That I will not blame myself for my
child's death, and that I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done.
But when feelings of guilt are
overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it, too, will pass.
That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel
it is necessary.
That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or
even discuss it with them.
That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.
To know that I am not losing my mind, and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process
To know that I will heal, even though it may take a long time.
To let myself heal and not to feel guilty about feeling better.
To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous - that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that 'slipping backward" is
also a normal part of the grief process and these moods, too,
will pass.
To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at
first, I may have to force myself
to think cheerful thoughts,
so eventually they
may become a habit
That I will reach out at times, and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me
to get over my depression.
That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want
me to do.
Nancy A. Mower
TCF - Honalulu, HI
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